What If LA Dodgers Goes Under New [Chinese] Management? (Guest Post)

Commodities Desk, EconMatters | EconMatters | September 9, 2011 10:34 am

Well, it looks as though that bid for the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team, a consortium that reportedly includes investment from China, probably won’t go through. Still, you gotta wonder what might have been.

If the bid goes through, I expect the new owners would announce the following changes:

Chavez Ravine will be renamed “Ditch of Harmonious Sport”.
Recruitment/farm system will be organized by 5-year plans.
Stadium ushers will be replaced by Chinatown retirees wearing armbands.
Entire American League will be denounced as “Designated Hitter Splitters”.
Dugout will be decorated to look like a Yan’an cave house.
On game days, LA light rail system speed will be reduced 50% as a safety precaution.
To appeal to wealthy Chinese fans, the number of bleacher seats will be reduced to accommodate larger, more lavish luxury boxes. The second game of each night time double header will be designated “Mistress Friendly” in the luxury box section.
Tickets to games will be distributed by danwei using a Real ID system. (Limited to holders of LA hukou.)
Dodger Dogs will be replaced by hot pot (might be a short delay while they work out the logistics).
Unsubstantiated and irresponsible rumors will no longer be tolerated on the official Dodgers online Fan Forum.

The views and opinions expressed herein are the author’s own, and do not necessarily reflect those of EconMatters.